The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to be at the stage where more komplikated substitutions are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps lik replasing "th" with "d" and "w" with "u".

During de fifd yar, de unesesary "o" kan be dropd from uords kontaining "ou" and similar substitutions vud of kors be aplid to oder kombinations of leters.

After dis fiftd yar, ue uil hav a rili sensibl riten stayl. Der uil be no mor trabls or difikultis, and evriuan uil faind it izi tu anderstend ic oder.